what dreams may come

I am a dreamer. I mean literally; I do tend to see a lot of dreams while asleep and many times I can recollect them with quite close accuracy. As weird as it has been most of the times, I do have seen some sensible ones too. But never before have I seen one which remained sensible for its entirety and was able to remember it vividly up until last month.

Ours is a loud family; more precisely, my brother and I are loud. When we argue, we usually take the intimidating path of arguing in a louder octave. So, here we were – my brother, my mother and she - travelling to somewhere in a car. I have been told by her sometime back that she gets intimidated when someone raises their voice, even if it’s not directed at her.

My brother is sitting in the navigator seat and in the back seat, I am sitting behind the driver and mom is right behind my brother. She is in the 3^rd row of the SUV behind my mother (it got to be a SUV to have that many rows of seats). Our occupied position relative to each other is a crucial information, since I am at a vantage point of being able to see the other 3 fellow passengers with just a sideways glance.

So, as usual, some conversation had escalated into an argument and my brother and I have started arguing with our mom. That’s when I notice her behind my mother petrified at the audacity of two boys launching a joint verbal assault on their mother. Mind you, of the 3 of us, only I am aware of her aversion to confrontations; and neither my mom nor brother knows about it. Here I am in the middle of a heated argument with my mother in the company of my brother, who is oblivious of the reaction of others since he is in the front seat of the vehicle. And my mother can see only me who am sitting next to her.

So, here I notice the reaction of her and suddenly realize that it is making her uncomfortable. This puts me in a pickle since I need to make a quick call as to whether continue with our argument since it was something important and we have to drive in our point. But at the same time I need to make sure that she does not feel bad. And thus, when I was struggling with my moral dilemma (which I would, unless someone raises an issue about it, gladly compare to the predicament Arjuna faced with in that battle field). It could have been the pressure of being at the vantage point or just my alarm going off, I suddenly woke up from the dream before I could make a judgment call.

In fact, I am glad that I woke up before I could visualize in which direction I would have swayed – not the best of options when you have to choose between whether you care for yourself or for the other person. You should not be giving up on something you feel strongly about and at the same time, you do need to be considerate. And given that this dream is as realistic as any of my dreams can get, such an event is highly likely in our real life. I am sure a déjà vu moment will present itself in the future and I would have to make a quick decision then. And I hope I would by then what it is going to be.

AVS