this day last year

This day. 16th of aug. exacty one year since i landed in US. In this nation of million dreams and hopes. Aug. 15th was independence day for both of us: India and me. 58th for her and 1st for me.This day last year is quite vivid in my mind.In my heart, in my soul. Sun TV was telecasting PKS and i was all set to see it atleast then.Since i was done with all my 'adieus' and had received all my 'bon voyages' i was expecting a quiet departure from india. But it was not to be. I had chosen the wrong day to see PKS.My anna and manni and pattimars where right there in my house in the morning. I was quite happy to see them having know how rarely they used to get out of the house.Another surprise followed when BM came around lunch time.It is more significant given that he was visiting our house for the first time.I was really happy.PKS was totally out of my mind by them.I am not a emotional or sentimental person. I believe in the silent expressions of compassion or care or love or u-name-it.But it was hard for me to keep my composure when N came al the way from kalady to present me a t-shirt. The day i thought would pass like a whisker was never ending,and u bet i loved every moment of it.All i can remember after that day is today. when i write this first year anniversery remark.I dont know how well i would remember any other day in my life. But i bet 15th aug. 2004 is there to stay alive for some while from now.

While on 15th aug.............as i was going on with my swatantradinaashamsakal to all i started feeling guilty. the thought of what have i done for my country creeped up in my mind? I would like to think aloud here: really..........what have i done for my country? have i done anything? could i have done anything? or what all could i have done? I have no answer! Feeling quite low. More than not doing anything for india, its the feeling of this thought coming only now hurts me more (tat shows i was negligent about my country when i was there) The only excuse (lame, it may be) i could come up with is : well, i havent done anything particularly good for the country.But again, i havent done any harm too! seems for the time being this is good enough reason to satiate the guitl in me.